Poems and Jokes For This Weather

Every season has its special beauty and autumn is no exception. Watching the trees turn from a uniform green to all varieties of gold, yellow and red is a spectacular experience. One can almost be blinded by the fiery brilliance. How can it be that all this beauty is sign of death and decay? With all this beauty there is a certain sadness in knowing that the changing colors foreshadow the arrival of a long cold winter

1. It was so cold . . .
   we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
2. It was so cold...
   hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
3. It was so cold...
   roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
4. It was so cold . . .
   when I dialed 911, a recorded message said to phone back in the spring!
5. It was so cold . . .
   the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses!
6. It was so cold . . .
   kids were using a new excuse to stay up late: "But Mom, my pyjamas haven't thawed out yet!"
7. It was so cold . . .
   the travel agency was advertising tropical vacations in Igloolik!
8. It was so cold . . .
   pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets just to keep them warm!
9. It was so cold . . .
   the squirrels in the park were throwing themselves at an electric fence!
10. It was so cold . . .
    I chipped a tooth on my soup!
11. It was so cold . . .
    Grandpa’s teeth were chattering - in the glass!
12. It was so cold . . .
    the dogs were wearing cats!
13. It was so cold . . .
    Starbucks was serving coffee on a stick!
14. It was so cold . . .
    Levi Strauss started manufacturing electric jeans!
15. It was so cold . . .
    the rats were bribing the alley cats for a snuggle.
16. It was so cold . . .
    we had to chop up the piano for firewood - but we only got two chords.
17. It was so cold . . .
    we had to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our parkas!
18. It was so cold...
    kids stopped worrying about acne. The new problem - goosepimples!
19. It was so cold . . .
    when we milked the cows, we got ice cream! When we milked the brown cows - we got chocolate ice cream!
20. It was so cold . . .
    words froze in the air. If you wanted to hear what someone said, you had to grab a handful of sentences and take them in by the fire!
21. It was so cold . . .
    the dogs had to put jumper cables on the rabbits - just to get them running!
22. It was so cold . . .
    Playboy magazine stopped publishing because no women would take their clothes off.
23. It was so cold . . .
    we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside it to warm up!
24. It was so cold . . .
    the Husky Association was making emergency service calls to get the dog teams started! Then...
25. It was so cold . . .
    when we parked the sled, we either had to plug in the dogs - or keep them running in place